Hey, crazy babies, it's time for another Wrestling Wrap U...SWEET FANCY MOSES!
Goodness gracious, sweet potty Pete! Say what you will, make your arguments for or against possibly getting sick of seeing Roman and Braun smack each other in the jowls over and over, but you're almost guaranteed to get an awesome murder spot each match. Just straight up sexy homicide. They sure do love giving Braun new and inventive ways of swatting Roman down like a pesky varmint and it's usually enough to fuel my week. God bless the child that's got his own. Gargle hell, Roman!
With SummerSlam now just a little less than two weeks out, let's take a look at the card and figure out why this event is freakin' four hours long with a two hour pre-show. That's almost a full day of school, folks. That's like "Goodbye, mom. I'm off to Xander Berkeley Elementary where I'll just sit and watch pro-wrestling, with no lunch break, until the bell rings and I can go home and not watch wrestling anymore." I've railed against the over-abundance of product before, like one of them large baby men who complains when they're given too much of what they want. Look, it's my choice to watch things or not. I can tune out. So part of this is just me being a dumb goldfish that eats itself to death. As per usual.
Here are things I understand already. More wrestling is not hurting WWE. They may be hurting their own product, and Superstars, from a creative standpoint by having way too many hours to fill, but it's not hurting them in the Scrooge McDuck vaults. They're even doing something they've never done before with SummerSlam, that they couldn't even do at 'Mania, which is running four different events in the same arena four nights in a row. Did they do that last SummerSlam? I forget. And I'm not going to google it. So there. Either way, this is a company that's not in danger of losing its "throw money at all the things" obsessive fanbase.
I guess my main concern is an aesthetic one. SummerSlam is now even more of a powerhouse than it used to be, rivaling WrestleMania in the run-time department. The pre-show will have two or three matches. The crowd will still be hot by the time the main show starts up. But by the time we edge toward the end of the second Slam hour though? Fatigue. We'll get the Hunter vs. Seth slump and it'll be almost impossible to recover until the fatal fourway main event. People will arrive, emotionally, for the Shinsuke entrance, but I don't think his match with Jinder will be enough to get a full rise out of folks. Unless it goes the typical SummerSlam route of Nakamura winning and then Corbin cashing in and walking out as champ. That'll be good for a shock pop.
Again, I'm just tackling this from a purely pacing aspect. It's almost a moot point since there's almost little to no incentive for the WWE to not just make their shows five hours. Plus, they can make anything seem exciting the day after thanks to their awesome production team and superb video packages. They'll make you think the boring trudge of a bout you saw was the end-all, be-all of five star encounters. My brain just turns to, honestly, Seth Rollins. The guy who toppled Triple H, despite having a supposedly inoperative, uncooperative knee, and came out the other side as...a guy with nine nicknames and no discernible appeal.
"I present to you Seth of House Rollins. The Future. The Architect. The Man. The Breaker of Shields. The Kingslayer. The Freakin Rollins. The Burner of Downs."
What should have been a crowning moment that helped truly punctuate Seth's babyface revival turned into something of a not-much-at-all. He still floundered after toppling the King of Kings and to this day is actively trying to find his way back into people's good graces. What it comes down to is the art of booking, and more specifically the art of booking a four hour affair (with a two hour preamble) - which is nearly impossible to do without a few clumps of quicksand.
Firstly, getting your big veteran stars on the card while still trying to build up your newer talent makes things extra bloated. Cena and Orton basically have stilted SmackDown matches in the middle of the show. Orton's facing Rusev, who just lost to Cena, and Cena's facing Corbin, who until recently was losing to Sami Zayn. And Corbin can totally fall to Cena and still cash in that MITB case and get the title. It happens all the time. You lose big, and for a long stretch usually, before you cash in.
Trying to re-lasso my point here, four hours feels even more bloated when there are non-critical matches in there. Title bouts get a pass. I'll allow Finn vs Bray because we might actually see the Demon persona come out to play. The Enzo in a shark cage match can pound sand, along with everything else in this Enz-Show angle. Unless you can promise me that Enzo will never leave that cage, even when the match is over, I'll need it scratched from the card. I mean it. He remains forever trapped. He can even hang over the ring too. Which wouldn't make sense, given that WWE shifts locations all the time, but honestly of all the things that haven't made sense in wrestling it probably wouldn't even crack the Top 50.
Circling back to Seth for a second, he refused to bro-bump Dean this week. Dick move, of course, but it's also the first thing that's felt like Seth in a long while. Part of me hopes it might lead to a more solid heel lean, but really this is just to help set up the whole "Can these two get along when they face Shesaro?" deal. Still though, dick-esque maneuvering. Seth wants love until you offer love. He's a goddamn cat. Oh, and he's still startling the masses with his totally uncalled for and inappropriate BURRRNNNNITDOWWWWWNNN.
Continue on for more from RAW and SmackDown Live...
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