Note: We're rerunning this story this week to celebrate Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull's 10th anniversary. The film was originally released on May 22, 2008.
It’s easy to bag out Indiana Jones’ fourth cinematic outing, Kingdom of the Crystal Skull, because, frankly, there’s plenty wrong with it. You don’t have to look too far on the Infernal Google Machine to see ramblings, listicles, and video rants dedicated to this very topic.
As much as I used to revel in denying its existence, Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull isn’t the Jar-Jar-Binks-filled, sand-everywhere, Han-Shot-first travesty that’s otherwise known as George Lucas’ bad touch in the post-Original Trilogy world. So, in the spirit of defying Metacritic User Review logic where if something isn’t a 10 it can only possibly be a 0, let’s break down the pros of Indy’s fourth cinematic outing.
Despite murmurings about Lucas meddling and an abandoned Frank Darabont (The Shawshank Redemption) screenplay, there were steps to ensure that Crystal Skull had the right look, at the very least. For starters, it was shot on film, rather than the then (and still) popular push for shooting movies on digital cameras. The idea was that it should actually look like it was shot a couple of decades after The Last Crusade.
To nail this visual aesthetic, Steven Spielberg’s go-to cinematographer (since Schindler’s List) Janusz Kaminski had to eat humble pie and diligently study retired cinematographer Douglas Slocombe’s work on the original Indy trilogy so Crystal Skull looked and felt right to audiences. On top of this, despite some notably bad instances of CG – gophers and monkeys being the worst offenders – Crystal Skull was reportedly 70% practical effects, which is a stark contrast to the soulless computer-generated Star Wars prequels.
And if you think the CG special effects are terrible, you really should go back and watch Toht’s face-melting moment at the end of Raiders.
Part of that practical awesomeness was insisted upon by leading man Harrison Ford. He reportedly insisted on using his own whip, even though Paramount apparently wanted it to be CG. It’s kind of like how Hugh Jackman was allowed to use practical Wolverine claws originally, before poking a few too many stuntmen in the eyes. Ford, it seems, was a gun with his whip. He also performed most of his own stunts, despite his age (66 at the time). He even encouraged screenwriter David Koepp to include more jokes relating to Indy’s age.
Harrison Ford... reportedly insisted on using his own whip, even though Paramount apparently wanted it to be CG.
If you can ignore the transition of the Paramount logo to a CG gopher (granted, that’s a herculean feat), Kingdom of the Crystal Skull has a strong opening. There’s a nice nod to Lucas’ earlier work American Graffiti with the muscle car race to a not-so-secret military base in the Nevada desert. Then there’s the revelation that the base is Area 51, which cleverly foreshadows expectations of aliens spliced with Indy mythology, given the history surrounding the secretive air force base.
The shadow-intro to the iconic man with the hat is great and, despite the fact he’s a lot older since we last saw him, Ford is undeniably Indiana Jones. It’s also a nice touch that Indy’s captors have clearly had a hard time capturing him, given the circle of armed goons required to make him compliant. Even when he’s supposed to be the prisoner, Indy’s clearly still in charge.
There’s also the reality we’re dealing with Soviets and not Nazis, which fits the 1950s time period perfectly in terms of threats. The time jump also reflects the B-movies of the 1950s, which contrast with the 1930s serials that inspired the original Indy trilogy. There was chatter of Nazis in earlier drafts, but the Holy Indy Trinity – Spielberg, Lucas, and Ford – were united against their inclusion in another Indiana Jones movie.
There was chatter of Nazis in earlier drafts, but Spielberg, Lucas, and Ford were united against their inclusion...
It was also a nice touch that Spielberg cast real-life Russians with authentic accents, so you don’t end up with Sean Connery’s idea of a Scottish-cum-Russian accent from The Hunt for Red October, which sounds suspiciously 100% Scottish. There is one exception, of course: Cate Blanchett. Sure, her Eastern Ukrainian “wubble-u” accent wasn’t the best – highlighted more so by the authentic Russians around her – but as far as a sword-wielding telepathic villains go, she slots right into Indy’s world of megalomaniacal villains.
On top of this, if psychic powers are good enough for godlike adventure game Indiana Jones and the Fate of Atlantis, it’s good enough for the silver screen. And if you’ve got beef with the Russian or alien baddies (ahem, “interdimensional beings [sic]”), underrated action/adventure game Indiana Jones and the Infernal Machine did those first.
Aliens aren’t even so bad: they’re more real than Indy’s usual supernatural threats, and despite his signature disbelief about “bedtime stories” and “legends”, they seem grounded in a way his scientific mind could get behind. The fact that the aliens are, in Indy’s words, “collectors [and] archaeologists” is a nice touch that connects him to the crystal skulls and their owners in a briefly referenced but meaningful way.
But I digress. That opening action set piece has the right mix of scale, dry one-liners from Indy, plus exciting twists and turns. It’s great up until the movie jumps the shark and has Indy surviving a nuclear blast inside a lead-lined refrigerator.
The admittedly terrible idea of a protagonist surviving a nuclear explosion inside a lead-lined fridge was reportedly taken from an early draft of Back to the Future.
If you’re searching for the silver lining, it’s this: that epic mountain of nuclear cheese introduced the world to a contemporary equivalent of ‘jump the shark’ in ‘nuke the fridge’. That is, right up until Jurassic World swung in and stole that with ‘tame the raptor’. Cheese has always been part of this series. Raiders has a sieg heiling monkey. Doom has that bizarre opening musical number (among other cheesy moments). Crusade has Indy as a tapestry aficionado.
At least for Crystal Skull’s earliest moment of epic cheese, the admittedly terrible idea of a protagonist surviving a nuclear explosion inside a lead-lined fridge was reportedly taken from an early draft of Back to the Future.
Speaking of earlier drafts, the divisive “big damn ants” sequence was from an abandoned draft for Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade. One of the better sequences of Temple of Doom, the minecart chase, was also reportedly a cut sequence from Raiders of the Lost Ark. It’s not like ideas from old drafts haven’t been successfully recycled in the past.
In fairness, the whole creepy-animal part of the Indy movie formula hasn’t been that great, or relevant to everyone’s favourite fedora friend, since the first movie. Raiders has spiders and snakes: y’know, legitimately creepy creatures. Temple of Doom has insects. Last Crusade has rats. At least Crystal Skull has scorpions – a legitimately scary arachnid – and the ants ain’t half bad with a bit of contextual research.
While real-life army ants don’t demolish people like they do in Kingdom of the Crystal Skull, they are described as “nature’s Mongol horde”, with mandibles that dice and a dissolving acid to liquify prey. That’s pretty badass, and terrifying with a smidge of suspended belief. Besides, if MacGyver can get away with people-eating ants, Indy can, too.
The action sequences outside of the opening are definitely a highlight of Kingdom of the Crystal Skull, if you remove smatterings of cheese like car sword fights and vine-swinging with monkeys ex machina. I’ve read the alleged Darabont draft for Indy 4, and it appears there was a common request from a particular person in power to include certain elements, because Darabont’s unproduced screenplay had Russians, crystal skulls, ants, aliens, a nuked fridge, and even a silly sequence with a monkey.
The motorbike chase after the milk bar fight was improvised, much like a similar motorbike chase in Last Crusade. It’s got some great moments and shows that simple ideas can lead to entertaining sequences. It’s kind of like how the fabled tank-vs-horse sequence from Last Crusade came about because Lucas said he wanted to see a battle between horseback Indy and a steel beast.
On top of this, there are the staples of the series which, for the most part, work well. Spielberg in the director’s seat, Lucas in a producing role, and Ford front and centre. Behind the scenes, legendary poster artist Drew Struzan crafted yet another iconic Indy poster, while composer extraordinaire John Williams wrote a pitch-perfect score.
One of the better throwbacks was including Marion Ravenwood, and even (finally) letting Indy marry her. She was always the only choice for Indy, unless you have a thing for screaming prima donnas or deceased Nazi spies.
Ravenwood, thankfully, has a decent amount of screen time, but the little static cameos also make for nice fan service: a statue of dearly Denholm “Marcus Brody” Elliott, and a photo of Henry Jones Sr. Then there’s the impossibly cool shot of the Ark of the Covenant, which acts as a fedora-tip pay-off to that mysterious and expansive warehouse that ended the original movie.
Ultimately, it’s okay that Crystal Skull proved divisive, because so too did Temple of Doom, which brings the Indy movies closer to a reverse Star Trek Movie Curse in that the odd numbered movies are better than the evens. The good news is if that Indiana Jones Movie Curse proves true, Indy 5 in 2020 should be a glorious thing.
Nathan Lawrence is a freelance writer based in Sydney who is as big a film nerd as he is a gamer. Track him down on Twitter.
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