La coupe du Monde: 2017 Wrestling Year in Review

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It's been a busy year for AJ Styles, Braun Strowman, Roman Reigns, Asuka, Jinder Mahal, and more!

Yes, it's that time of year again. Time for the year to end.

As 2017 closes up shop, let's look back at the WWE and be all like "Oh, yeah. That happened, didn't it? Ain't life a kick? An unpredictable journey filled with sweeping highs and drastic lows. Really makes you think. Okay, I guess we should stop wasting time and hide this body before the cops show up."

Before I get started though, I have a gift for y'all. Right out of the gate, right off the blocks, first up at bat, here's a magical link to - *moist hoarse gasp!* - all the Wrestling Wrap Ups! I cracked the code. The unsolvable is now oh-so-knowable. For years, you peeps have been hitting me up on twitter and asking "Hey, is there are a place that lists all the Wraps? They're so hard to track down once they dissolve and disintegrate out of all the timelines. Please help make my life better!" Well, now I can because now there is. I don't know how far back this list goes, but I know it's at least a few years. Who knows? Maybe it just keeps going. Turtles all the way down, yo.

The list is important for me too because anyone who's read one of my exasperating Wrestling Year-End Recaps before knows that I just take all the .gifs and pics from a year's worth of Wraps and repurpose them. It's a fierce grind, I know. By the way, I just assume that's why anyone wants to look at old Wrap Ups anyhow.

So, WWE in 2017. Braun tried to murder people (who, in turn, tried to murder him), Kurt Angle returned and revealed that "Milkamania," perhaps, ran a bit too wild back in the day, resulting in grown-ass illegitimate son Jason Jordan, Shane McMahon continued for dangerously plummet from from daring heights, Asuka got called up to the main roster after carving a canal of chaos and carnage down in NXT, and AJ Styles got to begin and end the year as WWE World Champion. Let's check out the "Then, Now, and Forever" of it all!

Of Dogs and Yards

Feel like a bummer right at the beginning? Good. Here it go. Undertaker's gone and Roman Reigns is to blame.

Now, I'm one of the few hold-outs who's been saying, since the day after WrestleMania, that Undertaker's probably not gone for good. His match against Reigns back at 'Mania, for control of the yard now and forever more, was kind of like a Parks and Rec season finale. If needed be, it could stand as the series finale. In the same way we didn't know, year to year, if Parks would return, we never quite know if Taker will be good to go for another run. For the show, it was because the ratings were always pretty poor, placing Parks on the dreaded "bubble." Every time Parks signed off for a season, it could have been for the last time so the season-enders always had to close out a big story while also planting seeds to possibly future shtick.

Taker got speared and pinned by slick space pirate Roman, his hat and garb got left in the ring in a weird witch pile (and remained untouched until the next morning), but no one's definitely told us Undertaker's gone. He could be, but there was no official announcement. The match wasn't billed as a retirement match and Cole and the other announcers are always careful to say "back when Roman Reigns possibly retired the Undertaker." There's always a "possibly" in there. Or a "maybe." Or some word to remind us of the impermanence of it all and how life is a fleeting coil.

Oh, Just Braun Strowman Destroying Roman Over and Over

As a quick and dirty palate cleanser, here's a series of wonderful .gifs featuring "Monster Among Men" Braun Strowman handing Roman Reigns his ass. Yeah, it's petty, but look - WWE placed Roman into a rough and tumble feud with Braun right after he beat Undertaker. They knew we wanted to see him get obliterated. And they came up with spectacular new ways to harm him. It was a charitable therapeutic service.

A quick break, to watch Braun take out Enzo...

Annnd we're back...

Real talk though. Braun's awesome and WWE did a pretty good job with him in 2017. His match against Lesnar wasn't all it could have been (and honestly, I wish he'd been kept totally away from a title match that he was destined to lose clean), but overall Braun's been a reliable force of ferocious violence. Also, he doesn't crave gold. Sure, he deserves to be world champ, but he's very one-on-one feud driven. And when he's not locked in a feud he's happy(ish) just mauling smaller guys like a massive angry kodiak.

Also, there was that time when he was crushed to death in a garbage truck and came back stronger than ever - and with new mystical powers that somehow connected his surging life force with that of the garbage truck itself. All garbage trucks, in fact. Like how Horace Pinker became one with electricity in Shocker, trash was now Braun's life's blood and he could utilize all forms of rubbish to stalk his prey.

This is the End, My Only Friend, The End

Flipping back to before WrestleMania now, arguably the best in-ring segment of the year was the ill-fated Kevin Owens/Chris Jericho "Festival of Friendship."

People have compared the bit to Game of Thrones' "Red Wedding," but I say the true beauty of the FoF was that we could all see where it was going. Instead of surprise, there was suspense. We knew Owens was about to rain pain down on his supposed "best friend," but we were al going to wait for it. And while we waited, Jericho got even more sucked into Owen's cruel con. It was superb. Suddenly the "lister" became the "listee" and Jericho got a face full of his own JeriTron 6500.