Hey hey hey, I'm back after a week off and ready to ramble (accurate, also rumble is trademarked). I know I missed a bunch of stuff last week what with Paige returning and all those NXT women call-ups, so I'll dig into that a little bit here, but first...
...we're all fine with The Ascension dying in that SAW version of Fashion Files, right?
Like, these two guys are dead now for kayfabe realsies is my suggestion. Death by poison gas. Nobly sacrificing themselves so that Breezango could live. Maybe in a few months or so they could come back with a total repackaging, or maybe they could just vanish for good, I haven't totally come up with a full plan for the aftermath of this crucible. But I'm open to suggestions. As long as those suggestions are not them somehow "not painfully dying from poison gas."
Speaking of tag teams and repackaging - them Bludgeon Brothers! Yes, former Wyatt Family members Luke Harper and Erick Rowan (who've now lost their first names completely) who now carry giant hammers down to the ring to give everything just a hint of bludgeoning. These two are apparently gracious enough, as giants, to just lave those mega mallets in the aisle so that there's never a danger of them coming into play in the ring. They just provide the looming presence of something that can bludgeon you. Just out of view. Like a whisper you can't make out. "We're big hammers but we'll never be ussssssed."
Look, these guys are still in the woods, they've still got their beards, they're still spouting off Bray-style nonsense - not too much is changed other than the fact that they now dressed like the Hardys (complete with arm sleeves and JNCO jeans) and everyone's pretending they're new goddamn superstars. It's really freakin' weird that they're being treated like a new tag team worthy of an official debut. These two have a wrestling history that is profoundly connected to one another. Even when they did singles runs they'd battle each other often. Most glaring however is that they were once a very formidable tag team who FEUDED WITH THE USOS. Honestly, it's just funny that the decision was made to re-gimmick two guys who, as a tag team, come with a built-in natural gimmick.
It's one thing for a guy like Charles Wright to play Papa Shango, Kama, and The Godfather because there were gaps in the eras and full costume and personality changes. It's another to put a hat on a hat (on probably another hat) by taking a former tag team and re-branding them as a new tag team while setting them up to challenge the tag team they've challenged before. Aren't dirty swamp giants enough of a gimmick for anyone to ever hope for? Why turn them into raver ogres?
Side note here: I see they finally pulled the trigger on the Hype Bros break up. The twist was that they made Mojo the heel. Kids, this is one of the many dangers of being in a constant, cursed, never-ending state of hype.
Now, let's examine Paige's big return to RAW and the curious call-up of five notable NXT women. Paige, and her Paige Against the Machine crew (which is sadly called Absolution which, for some reason just makes my think of Jim Carrey saying "YABsolutely" in Mr. Popper's Penguins) arrived on the scene and raised hell last week. Backing up Paige, as stooges, and acolytes of a sort since Paige is now the Matriarch of the Women's Evolution (note the company change from "Revolution"), were Mandy Rose and Sonya Deville. It was a cool way to arrive back on the scene and a cool mission statement make. Granted, it was Emma's shtick right before she got fired, and Emma would have been an amazing goon for Paige, but whatever.
This week, Paige's Abso-gang beat up Mickie and Bayley and Sasha and then...sort of just stared down Asuka. I'm not exactly sure how to take that moment exactly. I'm assuming they didn't all climb in the ring to attack Asuka because she's Asuka and WWE wants to portray her as someone who could take out all three if they charged, but mostly it came off as a possible alliance. I'm pretty sure that's not where they're headed, and that Asuka vs. Paige is the endgame (at some point), but that's what it felt like overall. Like they didn't attack her because they want her to join up. We shall see.
ANYHOW, over on SmackDown...what the hell? One night after Paige debuted her trio of tormenters, Ruby Riot(t) led a Blue Brand attack with Sarah Logan and Liv Morgan. We all had many questions. Was Paige somehow behind this ambush too? Were these three even an official group or was it just three new stars wanting to make a name for themselves in their debut week? It was crazy. I get that you can't just give RAW a bump and let SmackDown go stale. You need to have a balance. Things need to pop on Tuesdays too, but having this new trio come directly on the heels of Paige's return, and her trio, just worked to create a bit of a mess, undercutting Paige's resurgence in the process. Paige wasn't the big news of the week. It was Paige AND all the NXT debuts - including the women on SmackDown who have nothing to do with Paige but did exactly what Paige did.
Listen, it would be really cool if Paige was also ultimately behind Ruby's gang. Paige has an issue with the "Four Horsewomen" and two of them are on SmackDown (and Ruby's sneak attack is now allowing Becky Lynch some time off to shoot Marine 6!) so it doesn't exactly make sense for her to only focus on Sasha and Bayley and not the other half as well. It feels like that's not the case now though, with Ruby calling her crew the Riott Squad (the extra "T" is for teamwork yaaaaay!), but it's not outside the realm of possibilities. In fact, the only way this doesn't wind up being a total wash for Paige is if she is behind all of it.
Continue on for more about Paige, RAW, and SmackDown Live...
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