Every so often my work load becomes such that I have to power and pound through a Wrap Up at a precarious pace. Just barf out all my brain beats like a Bull Nakano in a Chyna shop. This Wrap shall be such a Wrap.
At the sound of the starter pistol here, I'll just throw in this clip of Randy Orton, from a while back, speaking very highly of Jinder Mahal. Jinder Mahal, who not only doesn't get a lot of praise these days -- what with him concussing Finn Balor last week -- but who autocorrect desperately wants to display as "Tinder Mahal." To a frustratingly obsessive degree.
Why play this clip? Because Jinder won a Six-Pack challenge last night to become the number one contender for the WWE Championship. We all know that SmackDown is the "Land of Opportunity," to the extent that they often have to make new stars in order to have a viable main event scene in each division, but Jinder's rise went: Memorable Battle Royal loss at 'Mania -> quick match with Finn -> quick match with Mojo -> Shakeup -> now he's after the top title in the company. Basically that feels like the way I used to read books in freshman English. First couple chapters aaaaand let's just skip to the end.
And this is all great in some respect. It's super quick, but SmackDown, after the Shakeup, found themselves in a tricky spot. An NXT spot almost. Making things a bit awkward too is the fact that AJ Styles is currently down in a U.S. title program while Jinder, who wasn't even a mid-card player, is on this slingshot to the top. Because not only does SmackDown need new stars, and a contender for Randy's title who isn't AJ, but rumors are stating that Jinder's push has to do with the ever-hungry India market.
So there's a lot to sort through here. The least of which is the fact that the specific rhetoric used stated that Jinder now had a shot at "Randy Orton's WWE Championship." Not "whoever wins at Payback," or that AJ Styles will face whoever wins between Owens and Jericho. Jinder's set to take on Randy. Meaning... what? Is the House of Horrors match not for the title?
It was more or less obvious that Bray was going to lose this match because he got drafted/shook up to RAW, and a lot of us "Bray Wins or We Wyatt" fans were pretty swampy about that, but now it seems like he's not getting a title rematch at all. He's getting a grudge match against Randy, that may or may not contain worms and chainsaws and darkness and fog and that annoying feelings when someone's standing too close to you at the ATM, but... now it's not for the belt?
By popular demand, the full @WWEBrayWyatt version of "Goodnight Moon" from WrestleMania weekend. http://pic.twitter.com/FbaYL1PQw3
— Brian Campbell (@BCampbellCBS) April 18, 2017
On the absolute upside, that means that Bray can now WIN this House of Horrors match. Which he should, dammit. Because god forbid they ever pay off Bray's mystical cosmic powers in any meaningful way. It's funny, because back when he won the WWE Championship, and then beat Cena and Styles in the rematch, he did it clean and on his own. You'd think by using blood magic and dark spells from the hell dimension that he'd be all but unstoppable. He should be able to shoot skulls out of his mouth and bees out of his butt. But no one ever tuned his finisher into a meme so... *shrugs so hard the sun explodes*.
Anyhow, Bray can win the Horrors match now, put a stamp on his feud with Randy, and just remain title-free, I guess. Kind of like how Corbin beat Ambrose in a non-title match on Dean's way out the door on SmackDown.
SmackDown was also fairly topsy turvy this week since it seems like all the main event players are down on the U.S. title level and all the riff raff loose change is now making a run for the world title. Erick Rowan? Mojo Jojo? What's worse was that the announcers had to act like nothing was out of the ordinary. "Can you imagine Erick Rowan going up against Randy Orton?" Well, yes. They had a match last week. And, to put it politely, it was less than ideal. We can imagine it. We can imagine most everything. In fact, you don't want inside our heads. It's not safe.
But we get it. SmackDown Live got pantsed in the Shakeup. They found themselves in the NXT spot of having to fill top slots when the main event guys and gals get called up to RAW. SmackDown lost two huge heels and a huge babyface and now they got some day-after discounted Easter candy in return. This are challenging times. But if you find yourself stuck in a default frown, just know that, somewhere out there, in the heartiest of heartlands, KANE IS RUNNING FOR MAYOR. IT'S THE BIG RED POLITICAL MACHINE! LOCAL SMALL BUSINESS IS ABOUT TO PICK UP!
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