Uuuggghhhhhhh. Holiday RAWs are the woooooorst.
It's bad enough that RAW hasn't been all that strong these days during regular operational hours, but to then get a throwaway "RAW Like Nobody's Watching" July 4th episode, where a wonky Team USA vs. Team World match main events while an actual WWE Champion vs. IC Champion match gets stuffed into the gooey center, really feels like sriracha on an open sore.
And OF COURSE THERE WAS A FOOD FIGHT TOO. GLORY BE.
Now, let me clarify things here. Food fights suck. In general. Watching glops and globs of processed chunks of barely edible substances get hurled around is terrible. And the terribleness gets exponentially multiplied when it's a wrestling food fight.
THAT BEING SAID, you sort of get invested in spots. Like "That bowl of goddamn baked beans better come into play! Who's going in the sheet cake? Are there pies? If so, how many? What are the stakes? How much ammo is there? Will feuds be honored or will uneasy alliances be formed in the midst of all the chaos?" Everything becomes Chekhov's Gun. BAKED BEANS!
So there's this push and pull. There's the "This is next-level lame" side and then there's "Oh my god, Kevin Owens is hiding under the table and eating chips!" side...
Of course, the smarter thing to do would have been to just leave the area entirely, but once a food fight starts it all becomes some sort of sealed-off Thunderdome scenario apparently.
Also in that same shot: Cesaro and Crews arm wrestling, never breaking. Winner takes it all, loser takes the fall, it's time to take it OVER THE TOOOOOOOP!♫
Speaking of Owens, he got to join illustrious WWE icons like Ultimate Warrior, Miss Elizabeth, and Mick Foley when he got his own special POV cam right at the end when the pie went in his face. Yes, you'll all remember the POV cam from when Jake the Snake locked Warrior in a casket, when Jake the Snake attacked Macho Man's wedding reception (a lot of Jake here), and during the Mankind vs. Rock Empty Arena Match.
Given all this evidence, it's clear that the food fight was the best part of RAW. Though, I should say that I did enjoy Seth Rollins continual bashing of all things Roman Reigns. The Roast of Roman continued with Seth now calling for Roman to get banned from not just the Triple Threat match at Battleground, but the upcoming Draft too. He really cut into him, calling his career a joke and how he was supposed to be a role model and all that. It was deliciously vicious. Then Dean had to ruin it with an attack, which is the only rebuttal you can make on Roman's behalf at this point. They tried to have Ambrose, who apparently is so laid back that he doesn't care abut anyone doing anything wrong, defend Roman by saying "We all make mistakes" but - yeah - that didn't work. I really like Dean but they do need to figure out if he's a hang loose beach bum or a dangerous wild card.
So. That USA vs. the World match. Harmless in the end, I know, but the very concept feels, I dunno, wrong. Especially given how fractured and angry the political landscape is right now. It just seemed, in its very concept, "part of the problem." Oh, and don't even dig into where everyone actually comes from. Kane is from Spain, Jericho's from New York, and both Lucha Dragons are from the U.S. as well. But I get it, we're going by characters and masked wrestlers can be from wherever. Kane's either from Hell or Parts Unknown, both of which have been officially claimed by America, apparently. Dudleyville too, I guess, though we always assumed that was in the USA, right? Jericho's New York origins are more curious though. Actually, that could have been a fun addition to the story given how much he's associated with Canada. I can't think of a better way to get under heel Chris' skin than a nice, swollen "You're A-Merican!" chant.
More evidence that the main event was haphazard dogsnot: Zack Ryder got the "feel good" inconsequential win AND Big Show didn't turn on him. Telltale signs of an alt-universe. Show didn't turn once. Think of how many countries he could have formed alliances with and then betrayed. There could have been so many flip-flop heel turns in one match that it now feels like a missed meta-opportunity. The possibilities and combinations were endless.
As a palate cleanser now, because it didn't air during RAW, here's John Cena's excellent and amazing #WeAreAmerica Fourth of July video. This, aside from the food fight, was the best things wrestling contributed to the world over the past few days...
More from RAW, plus news abut Brock and TNA's insane Final Deletion on Page 2...
Continues
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